Haiku Movie Review: Big Apple Edition

Hamlet Meets Spiderman: Mary Jane Likes Him Better in Red

SPIDERMAN III

Sure, Pete: she'll trust you
Again. Chicks dig abusers
in black underwear.

The Stuff of Nightmares.
ELF

For boys, Ferrel burps,
girl responds, reasons unknown:
Ten kinds of creepy.

Patrick Stewart & Ian McKellan: Taking American Money

X-MEN

Picard, Gandalf step
to each other, entourage
gets mutant freak on.

Polyester, meet styling gel.

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

Impassive dimple
above white polyester,
wriggle-fest in Queens.

"No, really. It'll be good for our relationship. We'll do a film together."  

GIGLI

J-Lo and Ben sink
beneath turkey-burden. We
cannot look away.