6:22PM
The Fury of Dr. Tichenor
Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 6:22PM | by Otter 
Dr. George Humphrey Tichenor (April 12, 1837 - January 14, 1923). This son of Kentucky pioneered antiseptic surgery in the Confederate Army, and then his famed antiseptic formula after The War of Northern Aggression. I suspect that the concentrated form of it was intended as a sort of chemical weapon, a revenge of some kind, but a bottle turned up in a New Orleans gas station. The South will writhe again.You guys know that feeling you get when you have to teach or something and you're buying gas and you get one of those really tiny bottles of Dr. Tichenors because you've been up since six this morning and will teach until ten tonight and have been grading essays all day and you feel like your mouth is the flowpipe from a really scummy water tank at the San Diego zoo?Be careful. It's not a single dose of Dr. Tichenor's.
It's a concentrate that makes twelve doses of Dr. Tichenor's.
I know, right?
It is sold in concentrated form. It's on the label.
It's like Judgment Day in your mouth, or perhaps a kind of nuclear reactor meltdown, and then your eyeballs kinda roll back in your head and your hair stands on end and you somehow scream, though your mouth feels like it's full of live electric eels.
Electric Eel Sold Separately. And then you spit it all out and stare wide-eyed at the pavement as though you expected the substance to glow with a strange alien fury before eating through the earth all the way to China, and you experience a strange soft fuzzy feeling, as though all the cells in your mouth had had their membranes dissolved and were sadly leaking away the mitochondria, which give you a last reproachful look before they dissolve into their component proteins.Anyway, just saying.
Read the label.
Reader Comments (2)
Okay, I'm totally laughing. Very funny.
Why is it that now all I wanna do is try an über concentrated dose of Dr. Tichenor's?
Because you're a lunatic.