Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 5:21PM | by Otter 
The scent of new-mown grass, leather footballs, hard-won victory… And sweaty teenaged boys, than which few things are more pungent.
“To crush your enemies; to drive them before you; and to hear the lamentation of the women.” —Conan the Barbarian.
Our goals are slightly more modest, but along broadly similar lines.
The magic words today: “We’re going straight to defense….”
Yessssss.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012 at 6:33AM | by Otter Up at five because, hey, I’m a guy, and I’ve got kids whom I love and they need feeding; and I’ve got a pretty decent job that pays terribly, but which is more than a lot of my friends in finance and banking and law can say; and because in spite of my codependent relationship with them, I really love my students. (It’s really a sort of hostage situation, but I’m not sure who’s in charge.)
And football practice this afternoon, where kids come up against what they thought were their limits. And then vomit on the ground and find they had a little more to give. In more senses than one.
My daughter, The Nightmare Child, a few days ago was explaining her latest riffing on Star Wars. I’ve forgotten what the specific riff was. But our favorite is that scene where the Emperor tells Vader, “He will come before you, and you will bring him before me.”
Invariably this devolves into that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the lord of the castle is explaining to the idiot guards how to guard the singing prince:
The Great Galactic Comedy DuoEMPEROR: He will come before you, and you will bring him before me.
DEEP-VOICED VADER: Yes, Yes. I see. I will come before you, and you will bring him before me.
EMPEROR: No, no. He will come before you, and you will bring him before me.
VADER: I will come before you, and he will bring you before me.
EMPEROR: No, no, no! Lord Vader. Listen. He will come before you, and you will bring him before me.
VADER: Yes, of course…. You will come before him , and he will bring me before you.
And so on. (This can go on quite a while.)
And my son’s all-time greatest hits include that scene where Gandalf falls from the bridge, white hair and beard swirling around him, and the camera shows Frodo’s mouth open in a silent scream that my kid fills in as, “Snape! He trusted you!”
Let nobody say that I’ve raised useless citizens.
Alright, time to go be a man, with apologies to working women everywhere.
Football, Monty Python, Star Wars in Culture Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 12:23AM | by Otter I can’t believe how badly it hurts tonight as I plan the defensive drills, think over the stretch-routines, and all the rest of the business of coaching. Outside the open window, the rain is falling.
I want to tell him, “Keep your balance. Be suspended from heaven and rooted in the earth.”
Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 7:09AM | by Otter
Updated on Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 8:36AM by
Otter
Updated on Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 10:35AM by
Otter
Updated on Saturday, January 14, 2012 at 8:10PM by
Otter
It’s time for the Tuesday mail-call:Is God involved in sports?
Saints or San Francisco 49’ers?
Drew Brees, Football, New Orleans Saints, Sports in Sports Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 10:25AM | by Otter 
Calvin Johnson: The wide receiver, who was hurled by the gods from Olympus two seasons ago to wander among mortals performing heroic feats, has gone missing. New Orleans Saints officials call the apparent abduction “A damn shame,” and speculate about motive and method.
Drew Brees at press conference demonstrates to reporters how a powerful sedative might be administered from behind to render the Mighty Calvin Johnson powerless to resist abductors, who might then keep him in captivity until his contract could be renegotiated.
Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 12:26PM | by Otter
Updated on Saturday, January 7, 2012 at 11:58PM by
Otter
Updated on Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 12:56AM by
Otter
Updated on Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 9:05AM by
Otter
When Hugh Douglas and Tedy Bruschi predict a major blowout, I get worried. Both had great careers, but I’m not sure I like their analysis much.
So I better put up my own.
Drew Brees, Football, New Orleans Saints, Sports in Sports Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 8:28AM | by Otter
Updated on Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 9:36AM by
Otter
Brees is one of the smartest quarterbacks in the NFL right now, athletic and capable and with an elusive quality that produces lots and lots of wins. Last night, in a 45-16 pummeling of the division rival Atlanta Falcons, Brees eclipsed Dan Marino's 1984 record for piling up 5,084 passing yards, something I haven't had time to do yet as I've been busy with other things.
Drew Brees, Football, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints in Sports Monday, December 19, 2011 at 9:30AM | by Otter 
Drew Brees looking invincible during a game against the Rams
Kim Jong Il with his son and heir-apparent, Kim Jong Un, guiding the backward Hermit Kingdom to glorious victory
Wednesday, December 22, 2010 at 11:07AM | by Otter 
This week the Saints go up against division arch-rivals the Atlanta Falcons, and it's shaping up to be one of the more exciting and emotional Monday Night Football games in recent memory.
Here are the Riparian Church Sports Division's keys to giving the game away to the Atlanta Falcons.
Drew Brees, Falcons, Football, New Orleans Saints, Sports in Sports Monday, December 13, 2010 at 8:54AM | by Otter Scientists think that Colston might have some special gene mutation that allows him to go for four excellent seasons and a Super Bowl without saying dumb-ass things, and are investigating whether his DNA can be used to cure other NFL wide receivers.
