ILLUMINATI COME OUT OF HIDING TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY

The Illuminati emerged from its underground crystal kingdom at a hastily convened press conference on Thursday to explain why it had gone bankrupt and why, as a result of bad investing strategies, it would regretfully be postponing the End of the World for another two millennia until it could restructure, go back into hiding, and once again pull the strings of both government and finances in secret.

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